Buy Luxury Never Quit (April Fools!)


I’ve had a revelation: the purpose of life is to die with the most toys. I know I’ve talked a lot about living below your means and saving money so you can one day retire, but what if you die the day after you retire? Wouldn’t it make a lot more sense to just plan to work forever, and buy all the cool stuff you want?

This is why my new motto is “Buy Luxury Never Quit.” Why make a single sacrifice when you can pay for immediate satisfaction? Patience is for old people, so live it up now and take out a lease on a luxury car. People will know you’re employed when they see you drive to and from work in a sweet Mercedes Benz.

If you accept the fact that you’ll be working until the day you die, all kinds of doors open up. You’re suddenly free to buy the latest home entertainment technology, the newest iPhone (with unlimited data because you deserve it!), and every nifty new gadget you see pop up on amazon. With all of this new awesome stuff, you’re going to need a nice place to put it too!

Housing is one of the “big three,” which means it’s one of those 3 things you should spend the most on. Find a house worth at least $500,000, you don’t want other people to think you’re poor, do you? The more space you have, the better, and make sure it has a 2-car garage so you have space for your new Benz (another of the “big three”) and your old lame car from when you were misguidedly saving money.

The final piece of the “big three” is food. I have 4 words for you “Eat Out Every Day,” or EOED which just rolls off the tongue. Cooking at home is what peasants do, so live a little and buy a steak with a nice wine pairing for dinner like the noble, upper class aristocrat you are. People are going to judge you based on what you eat, so show them who’s the boss. After all, you are what you eat.

You may be wondering, “how am I supposed to afford all of these things I deserve one my current paycheck?” Here’s the great thing, you don’t have to! You can take out loans, mortgages, and credit card debt to live well above your means. Once that debt grows beyond what your paycheck can cover in a monthly payment you’ll be dead anyways, and then it’s someone else’s problem. That’s the beauty of debt, you get all of the benefits and can just pass the downsides off to your family.

I hope you’re ready to live a more fulfilling life like me. Let me know in the comments, what are you going to spend all of your money on?


Megan said:

What on earth are you talking about!?


Kevin said:



Fran said:

April Fool !!


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